everything is beautiful and nothing hurts

I MATCHED!!! Match Day 2013 was Friday, and, surrounded by family and friends, I found out I'll be spending the next 5 years in Cincinnati training to become an otolaryngologist. Which is awesome, and I couldn't be more thrilled. It's the culmination of years of hard work, blood, sweat, tears, and of course lots of $$$. The entire last year (and indeed really last four) have been pointing toward this day, this achievement... my dreams are coming true. Graduation seems like a formality now that I know I have a concrete plan ahead of me, now that I know I'll get to train in my chosen specialty. The work of medical school is almost 100% done; now is the time to celebrate.

Why then, do I keep feeling an overwhelming urge to cry? Maybe it's the inevitable fallout of so much anticipation, the kind of let-down I felt following each big skating competition. Perhaps, though, it's in the realization that soon, very soon, the people I have come to know and love so much over the past four years will scatter, dispersed across the continent to pursue their futures, but never again to truly be the same cohesive unit that we have become. These people were strangers at the beginning of all of this, but as we've laughed, complained, studied, traveled, partied, lived  and loved together, we've become a family. I guess we've always known it was coming to this. But at the beginning, four years sounds interminable, and you never really think about how many mixed feelings you'll have when the moment actually arrives. Starting over in a new place is hard, and right now a big part of me just wants to curl up in a ball and try to hang on to all of the amazingness that the last four years have been.

I know I felt the same way about leaving my undergrad "home" when I began med school. In a few short months, that beginning will come to an end, and another will start. I'm scared. It'll be the hardest thing yet. Am I good enough? I know, though, in my innermost self that I am, and I will be.

Happy is what happens when all your dreams come true, isn't it?